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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Breaking the silence

I'm sure alot of people wonder why I would do a show where I talk about my own personal experience with abuse. Being a victim of spousal abuse changed who I am as a person. I used to be one of those  people who believed in the inherent goodness of the world, and that bad things only happened to bad people. For a long time, I blamed my terrifying experience on my innocence, and became very jaded.

It hasn't been easy for me to talk about. I've been divorced for 2 years and I still cry when I think about the things my ex husband did to me. I suffered from a kind of post traumatic stress syndrome, and I literally wasn't able to face life for a long time. luckily, during this time I read eat, love, pray. While the author of that book may not have had my harrowing experience, it made me feel better about needing time to heal, and different ways to do so.

Then I hit my turning point. I began to ask myself if I hadn't already suffered enough. Yes, I made a mistake in choosing my life partner. Yes, I allowed others to take advantage of my innocence. But hadn't I paid the price for that in tears and blood? I would say so.

It's been a long road, but each day I am on my way to healing. I know there is a reason I went through everything that I did, and I wanted to talk about it because I now know that my story belongs to millions of other women out there who have suffered like I suffered, but didn't have the platform to broadcast their experience. For better or worse, I have the microphone now, and I wanted to say something that mattered.

I know that there are people who will be angry that I have spoken the unspeakable, and that's fine. The time has come for me to move past the hurt, and into the joy. Part of that is losing the gag that kept me from finally, once and for all letting go of everything I was holding inside. I hope that women across the nation hear this, and take note. It happened to me, it may be happening to you or someone you know, and you are not alone.

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